


The Pain Is A Reminder

by MusicLover6661



Category: Avenged Sevenfold, Bratt - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Angst, Love, M/M, Romance, hidden places, i just felt inspired, so don't hate me too much, this sort of came out of nowhere tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:05:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10133627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: Brian has loved his best friend Zack for a whileZack is in love with his girlfriend GinaBrian is left broken, with only one person left to pick up the pieces





	1. Chapter 1

I hated the cold, I really did. There was nothing worse than walking down the street to get a pack of cigarettes and getting your feet soaked because of the snow that was covering every inch of the ground. Okay, maybe there are worse things in the world but they aren't here right now. I should've made my friend walk down to the damn corner store, he was the one who wanted them anyway.

“Always have to kiss Zack's ass, don't you Brian” I mumbled softly to myself, no one would be able to hear me over the loud traffic that drove by anyway.

Then again, I could count on one hand how many times I had been able to say no to Zack, and that was very rare in my case. I was too much of a lovesick puppy to say no, he could ask me to kiss his feet and I would do it. Actually, no I wouldn't do that. The only reason I was even forced to go to the store was because I had lost to Johnny while playing rock, paper, scissors. Damn gnome was too sneaky and beat me when I least expected it. Should've made Matt walk down, he liked the snow more than any of us at this point. I had to pick up cigarettes for Zack, a pack of gum for Matt, beef jerky for Johnny, and whatever the hell I damn well pleased. Jimmy was still asleep in his bunk when I had ventured off so if he wanted something he was going to have to get it himself. 

I walked into the small convenience store, the clerk eyed me carefully as I headed over to get Johnny's snacks. Then again I'm sure he didn't like seeing someone covered in tattoos come into his store, probably thought I'd rob the place.

“Oh my god, is that really him?” I stopped looking at the jerky that was in my hand and stood perfectly still, I really couldn't run into fans.  
“Yeah, it's me” I turned my head in the direction of the voice and smiled, the girl couldn't of been older than sixteen. Her eyes lit up when she realized I was talking to her.  
“Oh! Could I get a picture with you real quick?” She held her phone out to her friend and smiled brightly, maybe I was too nice but I could never say no to fans.  
“Of course” I walked over and wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she squealed and wrapped both her arms around my waist.

Her friend took a few pictures, clearly judging my poor choice in clothes seeing as I was in a pair of old holey jeans and a hoodie. Even though it was barely above twenty degrees outside.

“Thank you so much” The girl took her phone and left the store excited. I had about five minutes before someone found out where I was.

I picked up as much junk food as I could and headed to the register and set everything down. 

“Could I get three packs of Marb reds as well?” I asked pulling out my wallet, if he carded me I'd probably laugh hysterically.  
“That it?” The clerk rung up the food, cigarettes, and drink that I grabbed quickly from the fridge.  
“Yeah” I pulled out a couple twenties and handed it to him, I could hear the door ring as it opened. Shit.

I grabbed the bags and abandon my change, granted there was only about two dollars I was getting back, but at this point I couldn't of been bothered to wait and see who was going to make a surprise visit. The traffic had thinned out drastically from when I had arrived at the store to now, there were hardly any cars at all. Guys better not have left me behind again, I wouldn't forgive them this time.

Fortunately the bus came into view quickly, I could see Johnny outside talking to Matt. They were laughing about something I hadn't been able to hear, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what it was anyway.

“Here you go princess” I tossed one of the bags to Johnny and headed onto the bus with a scowl on my face, my socks had soaked through completely leaving my feet absolutely freezing. I really hated my friends at times.

Zack perked up as he saw me walk over with the bag that held his cigarettes, his eyes bright as he realized he could get his nicotine fix. I felt my heart melt as Zack grabbed the bag and ran outside, why did I have to feel this way for him? He was straighter than a goddamn ruler and I couldn't get over it. I had only told one person about my feelings for Zack, and I threatened to murder him if he ever said anything. Frowning I picked up my drink and headed down to my bunk, I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Even if each one was about Zack, and how I'd never have him. Oh well.

~~~~

The show had gone perfectly, no slip ups, Matt hadn't even forgotten any lyrics. There was just one tiny little problem, we still had to meet with fans backstage before we could leave. I had wanted to leave and crawl into my bunk more than anything at this point. It wouldn't take long though, just meet with them and go back to the bus, it'll be alright. I cleaned up and followed Matt out to where we were meeting everyone, Zack was hugging someone that didn't seem to be a fan. Who was she?

“Guys! This is the girl I told you about, my girlfriend” Zack said excitedly, pulling the girl over to where we stood.

My heart shattered in my chest, girlfriend? Since when was he seeing someone? Cause he definitely hadn't told me about her before. I composed myself before I smiled at the woman, she seemed kind. Zack talked to Johnny and Matt, his eyes nearly glowing with excitement. I needed to get away before I made a scene.

I shook my head and walked over to where the fans were waiting, taking pictures was one of my favorite things to do. The fans would have a memory to hold onto for a lifetime. Everyone else came over soon after, Zack's girlfriend stood in the corner to help give us privacy. God how could I let myself be so blind? It should've been obvious that he was going to find someone, I just wished it had been me.

“Alright, it's time to go” Matt clapped his hand on my shoulder and lead me out to where our bus was parked. The cold air didn't bother me, I was too emotionless to really feel much of anything at that point.  
“Did you know?” I asked looking up at Matt, was I really that oblivious when it came to Zack?  
“No, he didn't talk about her until right before the show” Matt knew about my feelings, he promised to keep it a secret to avoid any confrontation. He was really great about that.  
“She's pretty, I'll give her that” I felt my shoulders slump as I ascended the stairs onto the bus, I really hoped he didn't bring her onto the bus. That would definitely end in a fight.

I changed into a soft pair of sweatpants and decided to leave my shirt off before I crawled into my bunk, the days events were taking their toll on me for sure. I held my pillow tight in my arms and squeezed my eyes shut, I couldn't cry over him. Why would he want to be with someone like me anyway? I couldn't give him kids, or promise him marriage one day, I could only play for thousands of kids every night. I'd just have to distance myself more and get over this stupid little crush, that way I can move on and find someone. That's what I'd do.

I awoke a few hours later to loud arguing coming from the lounge, what the hell was going on? Groaning I crawled out from my bunk and made my way to where I could hear not one, but three voices yelling. 

“He's been avoiding spending time around us Matt, unless we have to play he's by himself in his fucking bunk!” Zack yelled angrily, his hands clenched into fists by his side. So they were yelling about me? Better not let them know I was awake.  
“Maybe he just wants some space, you ever think about that? Or do you have your head so far up your own ass that you don't see anyone else but yourself?” Matt spat back, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.  
“He's never avoided us before, why would he start now?” Zack narrowed his eyes and pointed back to where our bunks were located, I held my breath.  
“Maybe he's dealing with some stuff, we've all done it before” Matt glanced over to where I was standing, his eyes widening suddenly.  
“He's our best friend Matt, he always used to talk to me. And when I brought Gina to meet you guys it's like he stormed off like some jealous girlfriend” Zack scoffed, shaking his head slightly.

I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips, is that how he really felt about me? Like I was some jealous girlfriend who was hiding themselves away? Zack turned around, his eyes landing on me.

“Oh, Brian I didn't mean what I said” Zack held his hands up defensively, panic all over his features.  
“No, I understand Zack. I really do” I turned and headed back down to my bunk. Tears were slowly slipping down my cheeks.

I crawled back into my bunk and bit down on my knuckles to help silence the sobs, I wasn't going to be weak in front of everyone else. Very loud, angry yelling could be heard when a rather loud sob slipped through my lips. Matt was probably yelling at Zack for showing me what I should've already known. It was impossible from the beginning, Zack was always hitting on our female fans. At least he was before we started to get more recognition. Loud footsteps made their way to my bunk before stopping, a hand reaching in to shake me lightly.

“Please just go away” I pushed the hand away and curled up into myself, the tears that had run down my cheeks were long gone.  
“I wanna talk to you Brian” Matt said softly, his hand resting on my shoulder.  
“There's nothing to talk about Matt, I just want to get some sleep” I held my hand over Matt's to let him know I was alright, it was our way of talking without words.  
“Come on, come sit in the back with me for a little bit” I sighed and scooted out of my bunk, once Matt wanted you to do something he wouldn't give up unless you did.

I wrapped my blanket around my shoulders and followed Matt down to the small lounge that was located in the back of the bus, it was smaller so you'd have to basically be on top of each other if you wanted any time alone. Matt never minded though, he was determined to make sure I felt alright before he went to bed that night, Zack's words were playing in my head like a recording. Was I really just a jealous girlfriend? Someone that got on his nerves to the point that he had to find an actual girlfriend.

Matt plopped onto the small couch and pulled me into his lap, well so I was sitting on the space he left open, my legs hanging over his. I leaned my head against his shoulder and frowned, where would I even start? “Oh Zack broke my heart beyond recognition, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna be a shitty guitarist or friend” god I sounded like an idiot. Zack was straighter than a ruler, he loved women more than anything in this world. Okay maybe not anything, but women were definitely number two in his list.

“I don't want you to ever listen to Zack again, not when he apologizes, or when he talks to Gina. Never.Again” I looked up at Matt confused, why would he want me to ignore someone who was not only best friend, but my band mate?  
“Matt, we're still on tour for at least another month, that's going to be a little hard, don't ya think?” I asked softly, I was afraid Zack would eavesdrop on our conversation and figure out why I was acting the way I was.  
“It doesn't matter, he needs to understand that he can't just brush aside how much of an asshole he just was to you, he needs to understand you're a person too and actually treat you like one” Matt smirked at the face I made, my jaw dropped open. Matt had never really showed this side of himself. Not even when we were younger and people would pick on us.  
“And how the hell am I supposed to do that?” I said, disbelief clear in my voice.  
“Easy, treat him the same way he treated you” Matt said as he stood up, pulling myself up with him. 

Could I really be an asshole to Zack? I could only try.


	2. Chapter 2

Ignoring Zack was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I knew that if I didn't listen to Matt he would lecture me about how Zack was being a dick. We only had about three weeks left on the tour and then we would be done for at least four months and I could be a hermit in peace.

“Brian!” Why now, why me, why does everything bad have to happen to me?  
“Zack I'm trying to tune my guitar, can this wait?” I looked up at the man I was undoubtedly in love with, and whom I was also trying to avoid.  
“What's been going on with you? Every time I try and talk to you, you run off and hide with Matt somewhere. Is there something you guys aren't telling us?” My heart froze in my chest, he thought Matt and I were a thing? Oh lord he must've been dreaming.  
“No, I just have a lot going on right now and I didn't want to burden you guys with it” I said looking down at my prized guitar. It was easier to lie to him than I expected, although I wasn't sure that was a good thing.  
“You're my best friend Brian, you know you can always talk to me when somethings bothering you” Zack was upset, and it was entirely my fault.  
“I know dude, just know I'm not ignoring you deliberately okay?” I glanced back up at Zack and gave a small smile, he didn't seem fully convinced, I half expected that.

I was feeding him the exact lies that Matt had instructed me to, things would work themselves out and we'd all go back to being happy go lucky. Zack turned and walked off without saying another word, mumbling softly under his breath. I set my guitar back into it's case and stood up straight, Matt was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite explain. It was like he was trying to undress me with his eyes, yet there was a deep fire in his eyes. Maybe Zack was right, did Matt like me more than he was leading on? Or was I just being stupid and overthinking like I usually did? He was probably thinking about someone else and just spacing out without realizing it.

I walked over and patted his shoulder as I passed by, Jason was tying together loose wires so no one would trip and hurt themselves again. Matt turned his eyes towards and smirked, the fire burning brighter than it was before. So he was trying to undress me with his eyes? Well that was a definite confident booster, but this is Matt we're talking about. The man is straighter than a ruler and loves women more than anything in the world, and I mean anything. I swallowed nervously and walked back to our dressing room quickly, I couldn't get caught up in another situation like the one between Zack and I.

“The shows gonna be amazing, did you see how many kids were outside?” Johnny was bouncing excitedly in his seat, at least one of us was having a good time.  
“Of course it is, we're kick ass and no one stands in our way” Zack smirked as he pulled a shirt out the bag he brought. He always prepped in the dressing room rather than the bus. It was a lot easier to be honest.  
“Has anyone seen Matt? Dan said he needs to warm up” Jason popped his head in the doorway and looked between the three of us.  
“I just saw him a few minutes ago, but he didn't come in here” I shrugged lightly and shoved my hands into my pockets. I couldn't get Matt's face out of my mind.  
“Go look for him please, I don't think any of us can handle Matt when he hasn't warmed up his voice” Jason stalked off to whereever he was needed leaving me not only annoyed but terrified.

I knew Zack nor Johnny would agree to look for Matt no matter how much I asked, or even begged. I left the room quickly and headed outside, maybe he was getting some fresh air? Bad idea, Matt was on the phone when I noticed him standing no more than twenty feet away, but from his posture I could tell something wasn't right. His shoulders were slumped slightly and his voice sounded toneless, was he talking to someone from home?

“I thought things were fine? What changed?” Matt said, wiping his face slowly.

I couldn't make out the voice as I walked closer, I could only guess that it was Val. And things were definitely not going well at all. Matt talked softer and ended the call before I could make it up to him. Had she broken things off? No, they were perfect for each other.

“Matt?” I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, the next few seconds a blur.  
“Don't fucking touch me! You fucking asshole!” Matt stood up quickly and swung his fist so it collided with my jaw, stars covering my vision as I hit the ground. That wasn't the reaction was expecting at all.

I held my jaw as gently as I could and sat up slowly, I'd probably throw up if I moved too quickly. Zack ran over and held his hands against my back, glaring at Matt.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! He came out to let you know it was time to warm up!” Zack helped me up and held his hand under my chin, was I bleeding?  
“It's all his fault! Val left me because of him!” Matt pointed his finger towards me, his expression shaking me to my core.  
“He didn't do anything Matt!” Zack turned and walked back into the venue. Johnny and Jimmy rushing over quickly as they saw Zack and I.

How was I going to explain this to them without outing myself? Oh he punched me because I'm bisexual and have an insane crush on Zack. That wasn't going to go over very well with them.

“Brian, you're bleeding a lot. I seriously think you need to see a doctor” I whipped my head up to look at Zack and opened my mouth to talk, only to shut it quickly. The pain was becoming unbearable at this point.  
“Have him put some ice on his cheek and let him relax for now, I'll do his backing vocals” Johnny grabbed a towel and held it below my chin as I spit out more blood. 

Jeeze, how hard did Matt hit me? I was just going to remind him that he had to warm up before the show started, and then he pulls this shit. Blood was dripping down my chin slowly in what felt like a small stream at this point. Oh god, what if he had knocked a tooth loose? I couldn't get Matt's face out of my mind, his eyes were full of such hate. And that hate was directed at me, because I had broken him and Val up? But how? Did she find out I had a crush on Zack and assume things were going on between Matt and I or something? That didn't seem to add up though, nothing was really seeming to make any sense.

“You're gonna have one hell of a bruise, he needs to lay down Zack” Johnny was pressing a bag of ice against my jaw as gently as he could. His eyes worried as he looked me over.  
“The show is in a little over an hour, we need to get Matt and see what the hell even caused this” Zack sighed and paced the small room impatiently.  
“He said I broke him and Val up, that it was all my fault” I winced as my teeth clamped down on my cheek, so I found the source of the bleeding at least.  
“That doesn't make any sense though, how is it your fault if it's their relationship?” Johnny furrowed his brows and stood up, keeping his hand on the bag of ice.  
“Larry can't see him like this guys, he'll lose his shit on Matt, and we can't afford that right now” Jimmy looked between Johnny and Zack with an eyebrow raised. What the hell were we supposed to do about the show?  
“Just make sure there isn't any blood on your face Brian, that's all I'm asking” Zack left the room quickly, slamming the door on his way out. I couldn't help my flinch.

This had all been my fault, if I hadn't told Matt about my feelings for Zack he wouldn't of felt the need to protect me, Val wouldn't of broken things off with him. Everything was my fault and Matt was taking it out on me, he had every right too. Jimmy and Johnny soon left to let me nap before the show, granted no one knew where Matt had gone but they'd find him soon enough. 

I woke up groggily to a voice whispering, it was too hushed to figure out who it was right away. Were the guys back trying to figure out what to do? I know Jimmy was afraid Larry would make us cancel the show and figure it out from there. A hand wrapped tightly around my throat and squeezed as the voice became clearer, Matt was straddling my body as his hand started to cut off my air supply. I thrashed as hard as I could, but it only seemed to anger him more. Was this really how I was going to end my life? At the hands of my lead singer because his girlfriend had left him? Before I lost all consciousness his hand was gone, I began to pull in deep lung fulls of air. It burned so badly, I couldn't have the other guys find out what just happened.

Matt stood up from the couch and glared down at me, his expression full of hate and anger. I was the cause of my own pain, even if it was at the hands of someone else. I held my throat as gently as I could and sat up, there was no way I would be able to do any backing vocals now, my throat was on fire and it hurt to even breathe.

“I know you're not gonna like it too much but we needed to cover up the...Oh, you're back” Zack stopped dead in his tracks, a bag in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.  
“Jason said we were going on soon so I came in to wake Brian” The lie sounded so casual coming out of Matt's mouth, I knew if I told Zack the truth it wouldn't end well.  
“Well, Jimmy had a great idea but it's gonna sound pretty weird” Zack walked over and plopped himself onto the couch, pulling out what looked like makeup.  
“Seriously? They're gonna know somethings wrong when I come out looking different” I shook my head and pushed away from Zack, I couldn't risk him seeing the hand print Matt had left on my throat.  
“The girls always freak out when you wear eyeliner, it's just to cover the bruise” Zack pulled me over and started on his work.

If it worked then I'd be glad to do it until the bruises were gone, or until the tour was over. And from feeling how hard Matt truly could hit, I doubt the mark was going to go away for a while. Zack grabbed a small mirror and excitedly showed me his work, and to be fair he did really good. Now getting through the show was going to be the true test.

~~~~ 

“Thank you Orlando you've all been amazing!” Matt smiled as Zack and Johnny threw their pics into the crowd. I handed mine off to whoever was closest, I needed to get to the bus as soon as I could.

Jimmy wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the bus quickly, I knew the fans would be disappointed but I couldn't stand to be around Matt any longer. Maybe I would tell him why this all truly happened, why it was actually my fault.

“Jimmy, he went after me-”  
“Because you love Zack I know” Jimmy held me closer and walked onto the bus. Was I really obvious about my feelings? Or did I suck at hiding my jealousy when we all hung out together?  
“Who told you?” I asked shocked, my voice sounding more hoarse than before.  
“You did, it was a while ago and you were really drunk but you told me” Jimmy handed me clothes and shooed me down to the bathroom, well I guess it was time to stop drinking around Zack permanently. 

I gently washed off the makeup and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and my cheek was beginning to turn a deep purple color. How could I be so blind? Matt clearly had problems of his own and he constantly had to deal with mine, what kind of friend am I? I changed into what I could only assume as pajamas. Jimmy had always liked to sleep nude, but respected that not everyone wanted to see him naked all the time. Yawning loudly I crawled into my bunk and curled up with the blanket I had, Matt had gotten it for me as a gift a few Christmas's ago and I had refused to do any tour without it. I should've thrown it in his face when he tried to knock my teeth out.

The bus always rocked whenever it hit a bump, although if you were a heavy enough sleeper you'd never notice it. Except the bus hadn't hit a bump and I found myself awake, staring back at someone I expected to be asleep. Matt had a frown etched onto his face as he looked down at me, as if he was fighting a mental battle. One I was a little afraid to ask about, the last time I tried to talk to him he knocked me on my ass with a bruise the size of my palm.

“Matt? What time is it?” I asked softly, I didn't want to wake anyone else up if it was still pretty late, or early depending on the time.

He shook his head slowly and leaned closer, his nose mere inches away from my own. What in the world was he trying to do? I opened my mouth to question his actions only to be silenced by his lips crashing against my own. Shock ran over my body before I gave in slowly and kissed back, it felt so natural. Matt pulled away and held my cheek, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone slowly. It looked as if he had been crying.

“I'm so sorry for what I did” Matt stood up and walked down to his bunk before climbing in.

My mind was buzzing crazily, what the hell just happened?


	3. Chapter 3

I hadn't spoken another word to Matt in over a week, how could I even react to the kiss? No one else seemed to know what had happened between us. And I was determined to keep that a secret to avoid anymore bruises. Considering our fans were starting to get suspicious during any kind of meet and greets. They'd get too close for comfort and I'd always have to back away before they could see the truth. Matt never came to my side of the stage if I was there either, he didn't want to be around me, nor I him. Zack had stopped talking to me as well, he spent more time texting his girlfriend than being around me. It hurt, I can't deny that. But I had to do what was best for the band. And right now that meant staying awake from Matt, and Zack. I put on a show for everyone to hide the fact that we were all angry with one another.

“So, how have things been on tour?” I was currently on the phone with Val, who was trying to decipher my texts apparently.  
“Matt's beat my ass, Zack wants nothing to do with me. And I feel like I'm completely alone all of the time” Granted if I needed to I could talk to Jimmy, or Johnny. But how would I even be able to talk to them?  
“Oh my god, Brian you can't be serious!” She sounded horrified, as if Matt had been lying to her this whole time, there was no doubt in my mind that he was.  
“It was after you guys broke up, he just stood up and socked me in the jaw, there's no doubt he'd of kept going if Zack hadn't shown up” I opened my mouth to tell her about him trying to strangle me but I stopped. She didn't need to know about that.  
“You guys have what, a week left?” Val asked, I looked at the calendar and frowned, we were playing our last show tonight.  
“Well, we were supposed to be staying in Vegas for a week but that's not happening, so we'll be home tomorrow” I could hear her soft sigh, she wasn't ready to deal with Matt either.  
“I know, I don't think I'm ready to go home either” I rubbed my face and winced slightly. My cheek was still very sensitive to any kind of touch.  
“Come to my house the moment you guys get back, I need to talk to you” She sounded rushed, as if someone else was in the room with her now.  
“Will do, bye Val” I hung up and set my phone down on the small table. Everyone else had left to go shower or eat. I decided to stay at the bus and just relax before we had to head into the venue.

The door opened and shut quickly, it must've been Johnny coming back from his shower. That was until I turned around and saw Matt standing by the steps glaring at me. He must've heard me talking to Val and assumed something was going on between us. There was no doubt in my mind that this man would go to any length to beat my ass at this point.

“You seriously ate the last pack of pop tarts again?” Matt was holding an empty box in one hand, a small grocery bag in the other one.  
“No, Johnny did this time. Why do you think he ran off the bus so quickly this morning?” I knew I was treading on thin ice, but I was just being honest with him.  
“Little shit, he always eats the food but never bothers to replace it” Matt shook his head and set the bag down by the sink. I was curious of what he had bought now.  
“I can order something if you want, I haven't eaten yet” I turned in my seat so I was facing Matt a little more. Watching his body language closely.  
“Nah, we have to head out too soon anyway” Matt dug through the bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. When did he pick up smoking again?  
“You're smoking again?” I asked, he had quit after his surgery all those years ago.  
“Oh, yeah. I don't do it very often but” he seemed like he was at a loss for words.

I wanted to ask him so many questions, but my biggest question was why had everything changed so suddenly? Surely there was an actual reason for his behavior. He had never shown any type of feelings towards me, he was head over heels for Val, and anyone with two eyes could see that. I was one of the reasons he had even met her, and why they ended up getting together in the first place. I felt Matt's gaze on me before I realized I had been staring the entire time. I shook my head slowly and turned back to the table top in front of me. Thankfully I had a magazine so I could at least try and look busy. Matt was the person to pry if he felt as if you were keeping secrets. One of the reasons he found out about my infatuation with Zack in the first place. Not the nicest way for him to find out, but whatever. Matt walked over and sat across from me, lacing his hands together as he did. His gaze still set intently on me. Now I was definitely screwed.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, something kind of important” Matt was wringing his hands together as he talked.  
“Go ahead, you know I'm always here if you need to talk” I normally would've placed my hand on top of his, but with his recent mood swings I thought better of it.  
“It's about what happened that night, why Val and I broke up” He sighed softly and looked up at me, there was so much pain and fear in his eyes.  
“I'm all ears” I sat up straight and kept my eyes on him, this was hopefully going to answer most of my questions.  
“Come on guys! It's almost show time!” Jason yelled from the front of the bus.

I jumped out of my seat and groaned, I had to find Zack so he could cover the bruise on my cheek. Matt was frowning deeply before he walked off the bus. I wasn't going to get another chance like this one, there was no way in hell Matt would be willing to open up with anyone else around. I grabbed the pack of smokes he left behind and followed everyone into the venue. I'd just have to wait until we went home so I could try and talk to Val, hopefully without her sister or Matt there.

The show went on without a single mistake, Matt didn't forget any lyrics. Zack and I didn't miss any notes, and Jimmy was more excited than ever. Don't blame him if I was being honest, he was more excited to go home and sleep in his own bed than anything. A home cooked meal, an actual decent shower, and sleeping in my own bed were on my agenda. Plus talking to Val and figuring out what was going on too. I debated on sticking around after the show to meet fans, but thought better not to. As much as I love our fans, I loved sleep just a little more. Mostly due to the fact that we'd be on a plane and home within a few hours. It sounded too good to be true.

~~~~ 

“I'll see you guys once I finally caught up on my sleep” I chuckled and waved to everyone as I walked to my car, my phone had been ringing nonstop since we landed. I checked the texts first, they were all from Val. She was going to be at her sisters to avoid any confrontation from Matt for now.

I pulled out of the driveway and headed on my way to her sisters. It felt nice to be back home where I could fully avoid Matt for as long as possible. Actually I could avoid everyone for as long as I needed, but Matt was definitely my number one right now. She was standing on the porch as I pulled up, she looked anxious.

“Hey” I stepped out of the car and walked over to her, she watched me closely as if she was afraid Matt might've followed me.  
“Come inside, Chelle isn't home” Val turned and walked inside quickly, wasting no time I see.  
“What's going on?” I followed her inside and shut the door, the air felt thick around us.  
“Matt had been acting strange for a few months, so I tried to get him to open up because we've been together so long that I can normally read him like a book but...this was different, he didn't want me to know something was wrong. It was like he was afraid I would hate him or something” Val sat down in one of the chairs near the fireplace, a soft sigh escaping her lips.  
“He seemed fine to me, but then again you've seen more sides to him than I have” I sat down on the couch across from her and rubbed my hands together. The AC must've been turned up.  
“Oh I have, which is why I was concerned. He kept assuring me things were fine but I could see passed the charade, I knew something was really bothering him and he didn't want to tell me” She bit her lip softly, her eyes welling up with tears.  
“Don't cry, please” I reached my hands out towards her, I knew it was serious if it made her cry.  
“You have to understand Brian, I've given this man everything. He's seen me on my worst days and my best days. But what he admitted to me is something I don't think I'll ever be able to truly grasp” She wiped her cheeks and looked over at me.   
“Please, what is it?” I knew I wouldn't be ready for the answer, no matter what it was.  
“Brian, he's in love with you” She kept her eyes on me then, expecting my answer right then and there.

The only thing I could really think was, how could he love someone that didn't love him back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been a while since i updated this  
> so hopefully it's not complete shit, but let me know what you guys think!


	4. Chapter 4

I was trying to grasp onto the words Val told me, he was in love with me? How? I hadn't shown him any interest, or treated him differently than any of our friends since I came out. Plus, he never acted differently towards me until Val broke up with him.

“It just doesn't make any sense, why would he be in love with me?” I looked at Val, her lips were pulled into a frown.  
“I don't know, he just sort of blurted it out one day and refused to talk to me until you guys left” I raised my eyebrows slightly, so I wasn't going to get any answers at all.  
“I'll see what I can find out, maybe he talked to Jimmy” I stood up and hugged her tightly, she deserved so much better.

I called up Jimmy and headed over to his place right away. He had noticed Matt's strange behavior and tried digging it out of him, and was lucky enough to get all the answers. Matt was at the bar drinking with Johnny, and Zack. So that could buy me a little time to talk with Jimmy. I had offered to help Val move her things out of the house, but she was afraid of what Matt would think. I pulled into the driveway and picked up my phone, Zack was asking me to go out to the bar with them. Could I handle seeing Matt after hearing what Jimmy told me though? 

I just had to keep my head up was all, things were going to be perfectly fine. I responded to Zack's text and let him know that I would stop by after I saw Jimmy. Hopefully Matt didn't assume the worst before I got to the bar. I parked and went into Jimmy's quickly, I needed my answers more than anything.

“Please Jim, I am begging you for answers” We were sitting on his couch looking over any and all texts he had from Matt and Val.  
“He said that when we toured over in Europe a few months ago he saw you get out of the shower at the venue and just couldn't stop staring” I furrowed my eyebrows and frowned, that was a while ago.  
“That just sounds strange though, he just suddenly saw me in a different light?” It all sounded crazy to me.  
“He has for years, but he pushed them aside because he was with Val. Plus you had just come out to all of us so he didn't want to creep you out, and then you told us about your feelings for Zack” It was true, there was a change in Matt when I came out. He tried to be closer to me, be a better friend.  
“He has really strong feelings for you Bri, but he doesn't expect you to feel the same way for him. He's been really depressed” I felt like such a terrible friend, how did I not notice any of this?

I thanked Jimmy for everything he was able to tell me and went on my way to the bar where everyone else was. I wasn't going to give it away that I knew how Matt felt, maybe if I just ignored it a little bit longer he would be able to reconcile with Val and be happy with her. The air changed the moment I walked into the bar, it was always normally very busy except there was only two tables filled, one by what looked to be a group of college students, and the other with Zack, Matt, and Johnny. I walked over and sat down with a small and quiet hello.

“It's still early, I'm sure more people will arrive” Before Zack had even finished his sentence, a group of over fifty people flooded into the bar, must've been coming from a party or something.  
“There ya go” I chuckled softly and glanced over at Matt, he was staring at the glass in front of him. It had barely been touched at all. His shoulders were slumped forward slightly

This is what Jimmy had been talking about, except now that we weren't on tour he didn't have to keep on a happy face for everyone else. I reached my hand out to show Matt that I was there, he jerked his hands back and frowned. He must've known Jimmy told me about what he had said. He pushed his chair back and walked out the door quickly, leaving all of us at the table confused.

“I'll go see what's wrong” I stood up and walked outside, looking over the parking lot I noticed Matt standing by his car. His back facing me. I walked closer and opened my mouth to call out his name but stopped abruptly as I saw his shoulders shaking.

Except he wasn't shaking as if he was angry, he was crying. Loud sobs were wracking throughout his body, his keys gripped tightly in his hands. He was talking softly to himself, I stepped closer trying to hear anything that he said.

“Just give a rest, he's not interested at all” That brought on another sob, it was beginning to break my heart.

He straightened his shoulders and got into the car, wiping his cheeks. I wanted to call Val and tell her about what I had seen, but I wasn't sure how she would react to the news. I turned back towards the bar and listened to Matt drive out of the parking lot. Zack was standing outside, a cigarette in his hand. 

“Give him space, tell everyone to leave him alone for at least the next two weeks please” I would warn everyone to leave him alone. He was struggling with everything that was going on.  
“He was crying, wasn't he?” Zack's tone caught me off guard, he sounded upset.  
“Yes, just please don't bother him” I debated on going back inside the bar and going back home.  
“Johnny and I are gonna head out, I'm still pretty exhausted from the tour” That was the answer I was hoping for at this point.

We all bid our goodbyes and headed on our ways. I dialed Val's phone number and hit call, I needed to talk to someone who knew Matt as well as I did.

“He just called me, please tell me what happened” She was crying as well.  
“When I got to the bar he was sitting with everyone, but when I tried to even talk to him he just stormed out. And I umm...I followed him outside to the car and he was crying. So after he left I told Zack to have everyone leave him alone for at least two weeks”  
“Oh god, Brian can you please go check on him” That made me worried.  
“I'll go now” I hung up the phone and started on my way to Matt's house.

The drive was normally very calming for me, but this felt wrong. I shouldn't be stopping by Matt's house. The last time I tried to intervene I got hit in the mouth. He was clearly upset because of me, and by stopping his house I wasn't making things any better. I pulled into the driveway and turned off my car. Most of the lights were off inside save for what I believed was his den.

I walked up to the door and knocked, he didn't answer for a good five minutes so I let myself in with the key he had given me. The living room was pitch black, the only light coming from the kitchen. So I was wrong, he was in the kitchen. Taking a quick deep breath I went down to the kitchen and frowned as I saw him, he was sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. He was holding a bottle of whiskey in his hand weakly.

“Matt” I watched his head snap over to where I was standing, his eyes were blood shot as tears streamed down his cheeks.  
“Don't tell me, Val told you to come here didn't she?” I nodded slowly as he grimaced and set down the still full bottle of whiskey. I think he was trying to use it as a support method.  
“Jimmy told me everything, why couldn't you just talk to me instead of hiding yourself away?” He scoffed and stood up slowly.   
“Because you were so infatuated with Zack, he had been dating Gina since before that tour Brian. But he asked me not to tell anyone because he wanted to surprise us all” I was taken aback, he lied to me knowing full well how much of a crush I had?  
“Excuse-”  
“I did it for your own good, Zack knew you liked him once he started dating Gina, he's not as dumb as you clearly think he is” But that was the thing, Zack and I were back on good terms now.  
“I've moved on from that, he knows that” I wanted to be angry, to yell at him with everything I had in me.  
“At least one of us has” His words cut deep, he was still in love with me and I was ignoring him all the time. I showed Jimmy more love than I showed him.

I opened my mouth to say something back to him, anything was better than silence but Matt cut me off.

“Things are never going to change between us Brian, I'm not that dumb. I can see it in your face that you don't see me as anything and I've accepted that. So just please leave me alone” His voice sounded so hurt, so broken. And it was all entirely my fault.


	5. Chapter 5

I stood watching Matt drink from the bottle, each sip was longer than the last. This just didn't seem right to me. He was going to drink away his sorrows because of me, because I didn't love him the same way he wanted me to. I just couldn't see him that way, we hadn't even talked about things like that together since I came out. He would always brush the subject off and walk away if I was talking to him or someone else. He didn't want to be with me, he was probably just confused and with Val breaking things off he was angry. I walked over and sat down across from him, leaning up against the cabinets. I wanted nothing more than to take the bottle of whiskey out of his hands and demand he talk to me, but I knew that wouldn't end well for either of us.

“Matt, how am I supposed to know how you feel for me if you refuse to talk to me?” I placed my hands in my lap and looked at him, his eyes were glossy. I wasn't sure if he had been crying again, or if it was the whiskey.  
“Oh I tried, I gave you signals for years. I dropped more hints that I was into you than I did when I was interested in Val” He set down the bottle and pulled his legs up to his chest tight. A deep frown pulling his lips down.  
“That's not fair, you know how oblivious I can be to some things” Matt rolled his eyes and sighed, just because I act cocky and confident doesn't mean I know everything.  
“That's such a bullshit excuse, I did everything in my power to show you I was interested. Val and I had been on a break since before this tour Brian, she officially broke up with me because I called her and” He trailed off, his eyes trailing to the floor.  
“Come on man, you can't do that to me” I watched him slowly pick up the bottle of whiskey and finish it in a quick five seconds. He wouldn't remember any of this conversation, is that what he wanted?

I pushed all thoughts aside and did something I never imagined doing in my life, I crawled into his lap and held his cheeks gently. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched me, there was a good chance he'd beat my ass. And if it made him at least a little happier I'd take it. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his, I was going to take it as slowly as I possibly could. His arms wrapped around my waist and gripped tight, his lips moved a little rougher than my own. I was nervous about it, I had always expected kissing him would feel like kissing a sibling. Just plain wrong and weird, but there was something to it. A slow fire burning deep within my chest that kept pulling me in for more.

I gripped his hair lightly and slipped my tongue into his mouth, a deep groan escaped his throat. My heart was beating erratically, this should feel wrong! It shouldn't feel right doing this. Pulling gently on his hair pulled a much louder moan out of him, and goddamn if I didn't admit it turned me on. I rested my hips against his and gasped softly, he was definitely hard. And holy shit, I felt myself blushing at the thought of seeing him naked. Was this how he felt about me all along? Is this how he wanted me to feel all along?

“Shit, I'm sorry” Matt pulled away and pulled his hands from my ass. Wait, when had he put them there? I was so delirious.  
“No please, don't” I grabbed his hands and kissed him again, I needed more of him in that moment than I needed air.  
“Brian please, I got hard” His voice sounded pained, as if he wanted me to stop. Did he think it bothered me?  
“I'll take care of it” My breath was ragged as I slipped my hands down and tried to unhook his belt, he grabbed my wrists, but he didn't try and pull me away.

I looked up at him and unbuttoned his jeans, the zipper pushing down almost completely on it's own. His pupils were blown wide, watching every move I made. I could feel my palms begin to sweat as I looked down at the dark blue boxers he wore. There was no doubt Matt was big, sure I had seen glances of him here and there on tour. But this was different. I pulled down his jeans slowly, Matt lifted his hips to help. His boxers looked ready to tear from the sheer size of him, how the hell I was going to get him off? He'd choke me if I tried to suck him off, and there was no way he was going to fuck me. He'd tear me apart and leave me in half by the end of it. I watched as he pulled off his boxers and shirt and set them with his jeans. My jaw dropped open at seeing him. It wasn't just the length of him, it was how fucking thick he was.

Sliding my hands up his thighs slowly I took shallow breaths, I was going to make this as enjoyable for him as I could. He didn't need to know how terrified I was. He whined softly and placed his hands on the floor by his sides. I wasn't even meaning to tease him, I was just trying to figure out the best course of action. I kissed from his chest to his navel, his cock resting against his stomach. You can do this Brian, Matt won't choke you to death with his cock. I nodded mentally to myself and gripped him lightly, a loud hiss leaving his mouth. I closed my eyes and sucked the head lightly, precum coating my tongue in a thin layer. It was always better giving head when the person was already hard. I rubbed what I knew wouldn't fit in my mouth and moved my head down more, tracing my tongue along the vein as I did.

“Oh fuck, Brian please” He gripped my hair lightly and moaned deep, his cock throbbed in my mouth.

I tipped my head back slightly and deep throated him as best I could without choking myself, he pulled roughly on my hair as I did. I could feel myself get hard the more I sucked, I would just have to fix it myself after I finished Matt off.

“Stop, for a sec” He panted roughly, a light sheen of sweat covering his chest.  
“Are you okay?” I pulled back and wiped off my chin, kind of hard to not drool with a cock that big in your throat.  
“I wanna do something, come with me” He stood up and held out his hand, I was sure he wasn't going to do something crazy.

I accepted the hand and stood up with him, he lead us down to his bedroom and turned on the light. It seemed as if Val had cleaned out her stuff to help ease Matt's conscious. That made me feel a little bit better. He turned to face me and pulled off my clothes slowly, his fingers barely skimming along my skin. It was as if he was teasing me, trying to get a rise out of me. And dammit, it was working a little too well at this point. I wanted nothing more than for him to pin me to the bed and fuck me into next week. But I knew how bad of an idea that would be in the long run.

He walked over to the bed and sat down, beckoning me to come with him. I covered myself with my hands and blushed as he chuckled. It wasn't that I felt small compared to him, I just didn't like my junk hanging out all the time. It didn't seem like he wanted to have sex though, he wasn't reaching for any lube, or condoms. He was just watching me as we sat across from each other, the air felt thick in a good way. I was the first to lean forward, to press my lips against his once again. His arms wrapped around my waist as he crawled over and pinned me to the bed. Okay I was about to get fucked into this mattress. I bit his lip gently and rubbed his chest lightly, this was going to end on a positive note. He sat up and reached into the nightstand next to the bed, grabbing a small bottle of what I assumed to be lube. He would have to be pretty generous with it if then.

He put some onto his hand and slid it over my cock, I felt my eyes roll back as I moaned loud and deep, it was a warming lube. It felt so good to have his hands on me, they knew just how to jerk, not too rough but just tight enough. His free hand slid down to my lower back, a sudden intrusion to my ass caused me to gasp and shutter. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he wanted me to get off with barely any stimulation with the way he moved his fingers.

“Jesus, just fucking put it in already” I was nearly begging at this point, he had been teasing my prostate for at least four minutes, the hand on my cock squeezing just enough to stop my orgasm.  
“Only because you asked so nicely” He chuckled and pulled his fingers out slow as he gripped his cock, I could barely focus on anything other than the painful burn. I had done this many times before, but no one was ever big enough to compare to Matt.

I gripped his shoulders and breathed slowly, it was never a good idea to tense up when they were sliding in, it would only make things worse. Matt pressed light kisses along my neck as he pushed in more, jesus christ did he get bigger?! I couldn't help the moan as his hips slapped against my own, his muscles were tensed as he gripped my hips tight. The lube he had used intensified the heat from his cock, I wanted nothing more than to push him onto his back and ride his cock long into the night. I could barely even think straight. 

My back arched as he began to thrust his hips, the head of his cock slammed into my prostate on each thrust. The only thing I could do was wrap my legs around his waist and hold on for dear life, white washed over my vision as I came against my stomach and chest. Matt growled deep and low as his thrusts became erratic, his cock swelling slightly.

“Fuck, Matt!” I squeezed his shoulders tighter and moaned loud, the room echoing with the sounds of our moans, and the bed slamming against the wall.  
“I love you Brian” Matt moaned softly and came deep, his hips faltering just barely.   
“I love you too” I slid my hands down his arms and unhooked my legs, which were now shaking horribly.

Matt pulled out gently and laid down next to me, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I was sure I would wake up extremely sore. But at that moment I didn't care, granted I fucked someone I called my best friend without a second thought, but that didn't change the fact that it was the best sex I'd ever had. I could call Zack and let him know Matt was alright, but to still give him some space for a little while. He needed it after all. I sat up and grabbed Matt's phone that was on the nightstand, the lube sitting right next to it. Time to make the phone call I had meant to over two hours ago.

“Hey, I was just calling to let you know Matt's alright” Val's sigh of relief had a smile pull up my lips. Matt was smiling lazily, his hand tracing one of the many tattoos on my left arm.  
“Thank you Brian, did he tell you everything he needed to?” She knew there was more to everyone's story that they didn't tell her.  
“Oh, he definitely did” Matt laughed as I blushed, I was already starting to feel the soreness.  
“Brian Haner, are you telling me you two are in bed together right now?” Her voice wasn't angry, and it sounded as if she was giggling.  
“You knew about this, didn't you?” I wanted to yell at her, hell I wanted to yell at Matt for not being honest from the beginning, but I couldn't.  
“Do you think I'm stupid? Matt made it more than obvious he wanted you all those years ago. I still love both of you guys though” I felt my jaw drop open. So everyone knew how he felt except for me. What the hell? Matt took the phone out my hand and put it on speaker.  
“We finally hooked up, and no I didn't film it for you and your sister” Matt sat up and pulled me into his lap, my head laying against his chest.  
“Aww, but that would've been better than any porn out there” I shook my head and cuddled with Matt.  
“Too bad, now if you'll excuse us I am exhausted and would like sleep. Love you Val” I hung up Matt's phone and set it back down on the nightstand.

Matt yawned loudly and pulled the blanket over us both, there were so many questions I had. Some only I could answer myself, there had to be some kind of feelings I had for Matt deep down inside. Of course I had my fair share of hook ups with no strings attached, but this felt different. I had known Matt since we were young and I was so willing to jump into bed with him without a second thought, so maybe I did love him more than I thought. Oh who was I kidding, I knew I loved him. And no one was going to change my mind about it at all.


End file.
